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| ..Farewell.. |
| 10.03.03 (9:34 pm) [edit] |
Hrm..well I've been looking for a livejournal code for quite some time now....actually been looking for one for like almost a year. o.O
Thanks kielz ((I believe that was your username)) for saying that about my blog..heh +feels special+ my writing is interesting. lol. -.-
Ok..yeah..to make a semi-long story short, I'm in a good mood because I -finally- aquired a livejournal code. ((W00t!!!!!))
I bid thee farewell..if anyone wants to keep up with my rantings, my username on livejournal is [b]fallingstar66[/b]
Alrighty..
Buh bi for eveeeeeeer! +waves to everyone since shes in a good-ish, wavingness mood+ ^.^
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| Today.. |
| 10.03.03 (4:42 pm) [edit] |
Decided to write an entire new entry..meh. -.-
Tonight my mom is taking my sister to hockey, she has an 8:00 game..which means they'll be out from 7:30 till about 9:30. Hrm..home alone-ness. ^.^
Just on msn..talking to Kaitlynn, from Ottawa. Blah..I'm not in a shitty mood..but not in a great mood.
After dinner I went upstairs to have a shower just so I'm in my pj's and such for the rest of the night. Meh..took off the bandaid from last night in the shower..it bled a bit, nothing much though, I wrapped it tight-ish.
Iunno.......
Today at school Erin noticed how I was wearing an extra bracelet. Well it wasn't a bracelet, it was just a black wrist band I made a couple weeks back...I have like 5 or 6 in total, just in case.
Well yeh..she rolled my sweater up to my elbow and flipped my arm over, about to take off the wristband. We're of equal strength, but she had caught me off guard. Heh. -Luckily- I was able to twist my arm just enough to escape her grasp and slide my sweater back down. Gah..evil people.
She kind of bitched at me about it later....meh....didn't sound like she really cared..she was just mad. Argh..whatever. I asked her what the fuck she thought she was doing in the first place. ((She used to check my wrists every morning in homeroom at school o.O but recently stopped)). She said that she had seen an edge of the bandaid when I was fixing my wristband earlier that day..she was curious as to what 'artwork' I had under there now. Meh. -.-
Hrm..wow I really do blab about nonsense. XD Ah well. Hopefully tonight I can talk to Justin....it's been weird recently...there's one specific thing he won't tell me, yet he told me he had found something out.....so it's like he was teasing me with it. Argh. He knows I'm a curious person...it's killing me that I don't know.
Whatever.
Careless mood I guess, now when I come to think of it. Hrm..no homework this weekend..except to read that stupid book 'Lord of the Flies' and finish my pamphlet on Laurier ((which was due today x.x)). Bah. Like I'm going to do that....
My mom got on my case about getting a job during dinner today...so tomorrow her and I are going to start updating my resume so I can put it in various places. Meh...a job doesn't sound -that- bad come to think of it....I mean...a constant $$$$income$$$$ is all I want it for. If I could get money another way I wouldn't take a job...blah don't want to have to face people any more than I already do.
Shit...that reminds me..Monday's the tentative appointment. Argh. Must remember to wear a long sleeve shirt that day....she's never actually questioned me about cutting and stuff when I have my arms covered, it's like she can't see them, so she forgets? ^.^ When I wear a t-shirt, even with my bracelets...I guess just seeing the flesh of my arm, reminding her that I do infact have arms -.- twigs her mind to ask me. Meh.
Should get a call this weekend if the Monday appointment can't be done. If not, I'll find out Monday. Gawd I hate that...finding out the day of. Argh..
Then if the Monday one -doesnt- work out, I have an appointment booked Wednesday.
Blah..stupid doctors. .< Jessica once told me that she honestly thinks hospitalization might be a good thing. Geez. I'm not a psycho suicidal, homocidal child. I'm not that bad at all....I'm really not. Also, because I'm such a chicken, I'm not considered an immediate threat to myself...think about it! ^.^ No hospitalization pour moi! >
Wow....I complain and blab and just go onnnnnn too much. Should shut up....get back to Kait's chat..
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| Change of look.. |
| 10.03.03 (1:07 pm) [edit] |
Hrm, got home and went on the computer. Ahhh sister steps in, forgot it was -her- day for the computer after school. Meh..I get it Monday after then.
Ah well..so yeah, decided just to change the look of my log..it's black and white mostly now, no more red and white. Looks almost more cheerful? Iunno..I like it though.
I'm in an alright mood....my day was...a day? -.- Bah school is just school.
I'll probably go into more detail when I get the computer tonight..edit this entry, or post a completely new one. Meh who knows.
Ok..since I signed off msn and begged my sister to let me finish editting my blog, I should get off -now- before I take waaaay too long and she gets extra time.
Be on later..
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| Third entry today o.O |
| 10.02.03 (6:03 pm) [edit] |
Okee..weirdest mood ever. Meh. Not a bad mood, not a good mood. Stoic maybe? Bahhh who cares. +paces+
Jessica, if you're reading this..thank you for your comment..I just wish you could take your own advice though. I want -you- to feel and get better too..it's just as well for you if you reached out and grabbed the lifeline being thrown..
Hrm today my mom had her hair appointment after work, came home, then went out to see Angela, Bob and some other people. W00t. Home alone-ness. Well..almost.
So yeah..iunno..I went up to my room and just kinda sat their at my desk...Our Lady Peace was playing. Meh..just kind of sat and thought, having the events of today filter through my head.
I had promised myself and others that I wouldn't cut..or at least try not to. Meh..well I didn't last night...or the night before. I believe the night before -that- I didn't either. Anyways, it had been awhile..
It was the weirdest feeling...this indescribable feeling swept over me and I was compelled to open my drawer and take out my black box. I did.
I sat there looking at the latch on my box for a good 15 minutes. I then opened it and checked out my blades and knife. Went looking through the couple bandaids and tissue that are in there, as well as my indian ink and my mini diary. Just kind of looked at it all..
I took out my knife and did a quick, clean swipe across my left wrist. The blood came bubbling up to the surface....gawd I'm such a freak for explaining it in this much detail....but meh.
I guess it fascinates me? It was weird...I just watched the blood bubble up out of that shallow surface cut..and eyed the healing gash on my right wrist. I then took my blade and cut a bit deeper on my left wrist, trying to go deeper, make it wider. It was actually quite fascinating...it got to a point where I could stick the blade under my skin..hard to explain..but meh. Yeah..it was probably the deepest cut I've ever done..and I actually felt slight pain. Bah..-slight- being the keyword. Hrm at least I did feel something though.
Geezus...I'm really glad mostly everyone I know in real life isn't aware of this log...fuck I must sound insane. Iunno though...it's just...that really fascinated me.
Is this a bad thing? Is it a problem that everytime I cut it ends up deeper than the last?...nah..I don't think so. I think I'm just amused easily. ^.^
Hrm..should sign onto msn and see who's online..
Later.
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| Continued.. |
| 10.02.03 (12:53 pm) [edit] |
Ok..back from school. Decided to make an entirely new entry..need to continue my rantings. Argh well ok..not really continue, but just rant. -.- Meh.
Wow..I just...dunno....I mean....argh. Today all I could think about was how damn repetitive life is....it's one big routine. I can't stand that....-that- among other things drives me insane.
There was a 'motivational speaker' at school today....talked the 9's and 10's about making the right choices and how you can 'choose to feel sorry for yourself blah blah blah..or you can take action and make your life better.' FUCK HIM. He's a flippin retired professional wrestler..pffsh..fame and money...my ass he knows about the realities in life. x.x
I mean...he made it sound so simple....just a choice. Fuck no. There's so many more complications in REAL life...geezus. Idiot.
Bah. Nonetheless, his speech was well thought out and sounded alright. ((Despite the fact I fell asleep partway through XD heh..oops)).
I honestly don't know anymore...thoughts of just leaving this place....having nothing more to deal with....they're re-occuring and just sound so nice. Argh...but -no- of course I have to be chickenshit. -.- Fuck it being the 'coward's way out' I just don't care....If I wasn't such a damn coward I would have used that way out months ago. Gawd....there just comes a point when things get too much. I'm only human. I idolize those who -are- strong enough to get through things....but not everyone is. I can't stand when people criticize me, get mad at me for wanting to kill myself...gawd...I'm -not- a strong person. They may think I am, they may assume that...but I'm not...inside I'm this week little delinquint of a person. Argh.
Grr. Damn being chicken....
Doctor's appointment either this Monday or Wednesday..my mom originally booked it Wednesday, but tried to get an earlier one. The Monday one is tentative because she only works some days..meh.
Didn't cut last night..I'm going to try to keep that up until Monday. I can't have any new cuts or chances are I -will- be hospitalized. x.x
Tis pretty damn hard though....was -so- incredibly close to just taking out my knife to look at the blade...that always leads to more though. Ah well.
+sways+ I don't caaaaaaare...maybe it would be a good thing? Controlled area...no knife.....meh.
Should go.....I see msn windows starting to blink...and this entry is getting fairly long..
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| No one can understand that hasn’t walked the path.. |
| 10.02.03 (4:17 am) [edit] |
That's so true. I mean..people -think- they know what teens are going through and what kind of shit that has to be dealt with. I'm not saying that they're completely clueless, but just because they've gone through a 'similiar' situation or hard time, they automatically think they know. FUCK. I can't stand that...
Wow meh...I was talking to Nicole last night because her name on msn was something about cutting wrists...
It just scared the shit out of me...I mean...it's Nicole..the one who would worry and criticise and talk to -me- about cutting and stuff. Wow...
Coincidentally she did a spider-web on her wrist, a couple days after I did mine. Wow..she didn't even know I had done mine. Freaky deaky. -.-
I asked her to give her knife away.....she agreed. GOOD. I know where she's going with this....I mean...about a year ago I was the -exact- same way she is now. Meh..I just don't want her to fall into the bottomless hole..
People say I worry too much and that I should focus on myself. No. Fuck that...I just want everyone else to be happy. Gawd...they deserve it so much. If Brian, Jessica, Nicole, and everyone else could just be happy...
Meh.
Ahh it's already sevenish...I should go. Time to walk the dog before school...argh. x.x
Probably continue my rant after school..unless it slips my mind or whatever..in which case is obviously wasn't that important to begin with. -.-
Hrm..
Later.
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| Alright.. |
| 10.01.03 (12:38 pm) [edit] |
Hrm..today..
History unit test first class, then html. Both classes were very easy..just in history there was -a lot- or writing. -.-
At lunch Amy, Alexis and I went to the library after the cafe because of Latin and French homework. Ha..I didn't do mine though..obviously. z.Z
Had French followed by Latin in the afternoon. French was alright I guess..second class I actually attended. Meh. Latin was great..Mr. Lynd is hilarious..and both Vicki and Amy are in my class. Hrm..Megan is too..and then there's John and Jamie, who add comedy.
So yeah..guess it was an overall alright day. Wow.
Felt particularly shitty in the morning..meh..Brad and I don't really talk much anymore. The whole hospitalization issue was running through my head a hell of a lot yesterday..and then afterwards Brad asked me if something was wrong. I denied it, of course. ^.^ Meh..he left it at that though, guess he believed me? Argh whatever.
Jessica and Brad....wow...still...meh...+paces+ shutting up about that. x.x
Not supposed to be on the computer..it's my sister's turn for it after school. Meh she's not home yet though. ^.^ Talking to David on msn..heh..I was talking to him last night on the phone till like 11ish..he's so funny. Argh...ok.....shutting up!
Wow....I'm. An. Idiot. .
Tonight my mom's going to one of her class things..from like 7-10 I believe. Hrm..chances are, I'll get the computer during that time. W00t.
Hrm..wowee haven't cut for two days. +feels special+ Maybe I won't end up being hospitalized...cuz seriously....wow if I was....meh. My dad would obviously end up finding out....and school would just go down the drain....and argh.
On one hand though...I'm thinking 'fuck it'...I mean I really don't care anymore....I think the main reason as to why I haven't cut in a bit is because of how visible it would be. Meh.....I just don't care anymore thouuuugh.
Blah..ok....starting on negative-ish thinking. Must stay in my stoic mood. -.-
Later..
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| Stuff? x.x |
| 09.30.03 (12:43 pm) [edit] |
Blah...ok.....I just realized Brad doesn't have this log address, which I'm thinking is a good thing. I can now vent about him...or him-related things...without him actually finding out. ^.^ Heh.
Today at school he seemed happy in the library..despite what had happened yesterday..other than that, everything was going good for him. He asked Jessica out and she said yes...he was ecstatic about that.
It's kind of hard being happy for him....I mean...I'm sure I looked it, I -did- force a smile and cheery tone. Bah. It's not that I'm not happy for them...it's just....argh Iunno. Whatever. I'm an idiot. x.x
Talking to David on msn....heh David. Wow...I'm an idiot. -.- He had the two hours of school today..all one subject; science. Ah well..better than math I s'pose.
First class today I had English, then Science. After lunch I had civics followed by math. Argh...shitty classes. Shitty day...shitty everything. +curls up+
During lunch today we ate in the cafe and then headed for the gym. Indoor soccer was going on and I was all hyped up to play....meh somehow I just thought of something that had to do with Brad and Jessica...I'm not sure what it was...but blah I just felt shitty and decided to watch with Alexis, Erin, Amy, Vicki, Jodee and Tiff.
We sat up in the stands...meh....I ended up just putting my head in my hands and closing my eyes. Argh...things just bug me a lot more nowadays.
In civics I felt like complete shit...Jodee and Vicki were trying to get me to cheer up and to smile. Heh..I luv those gurls..always will. Meh I couldn't though...everything they said, even the usual stuff that makes me fall off my chair laughing, didn't affect me whatsoever. Blah.
Last night I did a lot of thinking...didn't cut. Heh. See? I am in control. -.- Argh..well ok...most of the time I am. +sways+ but yeah....just thinking about the whole doctor-cutting-hospitaliz ation issue. Kind of mentally planning for what to do if I do get hospitalized. Haven't really told any of my friends at school yet though..since it's not a for sure thing. Meh.
Alright....I really do blab too much. Meh..David tells me I should 'unbottle' to him. Ha..nah..he has his own shit to deal with.
I just want everyone else to feel better...
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| Life....FUCK. |
| 09.29.03 (5:03 pm) [edit] |
Gawd....I just....argh. +curls up+
Heh...asked my mom, out of pure curiosity, when my next appointment is. She flipped on me saying how she can't keep taking time off work blah blah blah.
Heh...funnnnnnnny stuff. -.-
It's like she only thinks something's wrong when she sees a cut or a scar. When I'm moping around the house or in my room or the basement 24/7 and skipping school, she see's it as normal? Heh ah well maybe everything is just peachy?
Heh. I love my bracelets. ^.^
-.-
I guess I am really good at covering stuff up....I mean..at school I'm slipping up at times..but usually I'm happyish and participate in the classes I -do- attend. +shrugs+ Who caarrrrrrrres. Plus, my dad doesn't know anything's wrong....doesn't even know I'm on meds. Probably just thinks I'm PMSing all the time. Yeesh. IDIOT.
Hrm what else..yes I decided to vent because I feel like total and utter shit. My friend's have their own problems to deal with and yeah...meh I don't usually vent to many of them anyways. Hate burdening people.
Aww..Miko ((Nicole's dog)) died today. She got put down because she had drank anti-freeze. Fucking anti-freeze....when I was helping out at the vet's office there were so many cases of euthanasia due to anti-freeze poisonings.
Johnno's hamster, Lenny died as well. Aww not a good day for them :(
Hrm..good day for Brad though.....he asked Jess out and she said yes. Heh. Officially going out....wow.....goodness......happy for them. +bites tongue+ Glad they're happy.
Argh....fuck..ok.....I complain way too fucking much.
My mom thought I just skipped because I was tired....ahhahahaha. Mind you, not like I talk to her..
This morning she asked if she could have a hug..I just stood there stiffly, eyeing her. She threatened to ground me if I didn't give her one :? so I did. Yeesh. Stupid mother.
Meh...ok.....going....done enough mindless rambling. S'alllllllllll peachy fucking keen. :D :D :D
Bah...fucking school tomorrow. .
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| I just don't fucking care.. |
| 09.29.03 (12:40 pm) [edit] |
I don't care anymore. I give up..I fucking forfeit.
Went to french class today....only because my mom found out I had skipped ((principal called her..)) and so I'm grounded from the computer.
Gawd...I just don't fucking get it. .< I was in Latin today...couldn't concentrate..just felt like shit. Argh.>
In the morning I had html followed by history. I usually love html class..today I didn't. History was blah too.
Argh I can't take this any longer...I just dont want to be here. I don't want to fucking go to school, I don't want to answer to anyone...friends...family...ANYONE. +curls up+
Was talking to Jessica last night, told her about how I might be hospitalized. Meh...I just don't know. Right now I don't fucking care....I swear if I wasn't such a damn chicken......argh.
Well as I said before, not supposed to be on the computer..I'm grounded. Argh..sister coming home momentarily...should stop complaining about everything. +pins face into a smile+
Talking to David on msn..his window's blinking. Meh. Yet another reason why I should end this entry.
I may get some time later tonight though. If not, won't be on till tomorrow. Bah. WHO CARES?!
Blahhhh
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| This weekend.. |
| 09.28.03 (7:24 pm) [edit] |
Blah I feel really shitty so I'm going to cut this weekend's explanation short..
Friday I went and hung out with Justin..we talked, and hung out...and meh..twas great. I really miss him..bah..damn Oshawa-ness. -.-
Saturday David called me around..argh iunno..whenever he was supposed to. We met up at Proctor and swung on the swings for a bit, talking. Heh..I'm horrible at talking..and he is on drugs. x.x Later we just walked around, went to various stores..ended up getting icecream and Baskin Robins. Uhm..what else..hrm..walked around the mall, then headed over to Nicole and Justin's.
Neither were home so we went to the park..later we came back. Meh..my dad freaked out..-major- misunderstanding-ness. Argh..idiot. -.- Yes well, not grounded...just he scared the bejebees outta my mom..and meh.
Today got up early, went to dragons. Helped out there..it was the second major practice/meeting thinger this year..so twas pretty nuts. Went public skating after with my dad.
Gah..public skating...I LOVE skating...but...meh today it was horrible. Twas my first hard cardio workout thinger in basically a year, plus my first time on skates in a year. Meh. Bah combination.
I couldn't even do over THREE laps going full speed without getting winded. FUCK..that pissed me off. Meh..when they flooded the ice partway through I rested ((I felt slightly lightheaded and blah..meh probably the stupid meds. They're not supposed to go that great with lots of movement-ness. x.x)) The second half of skating, from like...uhm..I guess twas 1:35-2:20, I skated non-stop..which made me slightly happier. I was able to go full-out for like 5 laps..which again improved my mood.
Meh..it just -really- pissed me off..because I used to be able to do like 10 laps full-out no problem. Argh. Next weekend I'm making a point of goin skating at the civic. The weekend after that I'm with my dad and we're going up to the cottage allllll weekend for thanksgiving. DAMNIT. Ah well..I'll skate all the other weekends except those I s'pose. -.-
BLAH. I feel really shitty. I just felt really blaaaah when I got home to Oshawa..so I went uptstairs and curled up in my bed. Argh stupid fucking thinking...cut...again. Deeper than ever. Fuck I'm an idiot...everytime I cut I go deeper. Bah whatever.
My mom found out I had skipped a bunch of classes....principal dude person called her...gah..not good.
Skipping some of Monday though...not fucking going to French. Meh..stupid class. x.x
My next doctor's appointment is sometime this week..she said ((at the last one)) that if I cut again I'm probably gonna get admitted. FUCK HER. She's nice, I can talk to her..but argh...not gonna....CANT let her see my recent cuts. Meh..she's hard to lie to..but I shall try.
Ah shit..this entry has gone on too long...msn windows blinking..should go..
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| Thinking back.... |
| 09.25.03 (9:56 pm) [edit] |
It's 12:15 and since I slept from 5pm-8pm, my sleeping schedule-ness is fucked up. Bah..I usually don't sleep much anyways though.
Tonight..
Meh..after I got offline at 10, I went upstairs and had a shower. I re-painted my nails because I can't stand it when dark colours such as black chip. My mom came upstairs and said goodnight, went to her room..
I don't know what came over me but after my nails were dry, since I did them at my desk, I took out my little black box. I just opened it and eyed my knife, looking over everything in there, remembering.
Meh..it took awhile, since I only started keeping a 'log' of cutting recently, but I was able to remember the very first time I cut.
Bah...I had taken a knife from the kitchen and just carved a little something on my arm. Meh..from there it just escalated.
I guess that was like 11 months ago. Wow..time sure flies.. -.-
I stopped cutting for awhile inbetween..meh..I think I started up again during the summer. I don't know..just..I used to do it maybe once a week, three times a week.
Recently I've been doing it every night..meh. x.x
Tonight I actually scared myself, which is good I s'pose. I just took the blade to my right wrist ((I hardly ever cut on my left because I don't have as much cover-up bracelets on that one -.-)). The first stroke was quick and crisp, blood started bubbling up to the surface..but then I looked at it, looked at my knife and was all like 'deeper'. I don't know why...I just wanted to cut more, go deeper, make it bigger.
I ended up with a pretty deep gash, nicked my vein a bit too. Meh..put some gauze on it, then came down to the computer.
Gawd I'm fucked up.....
I'm so glad people I know in real life don't read this. .
Meh..alright...if you actually read all this shit, I pity you. These blogs of mine are pretty pointless, I just vent to get things off my chest etc..so they don't come up when I'm with people.
Tomorrow Justin and I are getting together..haven't seen him in awhile, talk-catch up time. Saturday David and I are doing something, later we're meeting up with Nicole and some other people. Should be fun. Sunday I'm going public skating with my dad..can't wait. I -love- skating, always have..always will.
Meh..so this is probably my last entry until Sunday evening or Monday after school.
Not like anyone reads this though. Meh. I guess I'm just writing to myself?
Heh. -.-
Later.
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| Blah. |
| 09.25.03 (5:37 pm) [edit] |
Wow..I've never done so many entries in the same day. Ah well..fuck it. x.x
After my mom got home, since I just felt so shitty and down, I just told my mom I would be up in my room. Ended up curling up in bed, actually falling asleep..it's now quarter after eight, and I just woke up.
Blah..life just seems so...pointless for me. I mean..I know it isn't exactly 'pointless', but more and more each day it's almost as if I'm trying to be convinced that life sucks.
Everything's so damn repetitive, it's all a game. I'm horrible at games, can't I just quit and forfeit? Gawd..
One day after another, everything is the exact same. I look around at the people at my bus and I feel as if time is slipping by so fast, that it appears to be in slow motion. I feel as if I'm in a large park or lot, sitting cross-legged on the ground, and there are billions of people zooming by me. Meh...
The 'light at the end of the tunnel' as some people say is probably there, I'm just too blind to see it.
[i]People say that my being a 'chicken' is a good thing, it's keeping me here. Fuck, no it isn't..it's driving me crazy. If only I wasn't such a gawd damn chicken..[/i]
Maybe oneday I'll get enough courage to go through with something, oneday. -.-
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| The end begins; I can't escape as it pulls me further into anesthesia... |
| 09.25.03 (1:45 pm) [edit] |
[i]The end begins; I can't escape as it pulls me further into anesthesia...[/i]
Meh..that's a line from 'The Weak and the Wounded' by Silverstein. I love that song. Silverstein is actually really good..they have almost a punk sound..and then they mix in the edgy metallic screaming. Sounds really cool.
Blah..I just feel so shitty...
Brad doesn't read this log, so I can vent a bit on this one about him..
I'm happy for him, -really- happy for him..because of the whole 'Jessica wanting him to ask her out' thing..but..meh. I like him..I think he knows it...and argh I dunno.
Jessica really likes him, he likes her. I'm selfish by saying this, but I wish they wouldn't go out..
I like him too..................argh. Stupid me. x.x
Jessica deserves him; he deserves her.
I just feel really shitty...because he was just asking me about him and her..and yeah...meh. I am happy for him though, because it might actually make him happy. That would be good; he deserves to be happy..
I just want everyone to feel better, to be happy..or at least semi-happy. I'd give anything for my friends to be better...
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| Waste of space.. |
| 09.25.03 (11:10 am) [edit] |
Blah I'm just a waste of space. I'm dead inside..I'm just like this empty physical body floating around and living life. Argh..I can't take it..
Got in from school almost an hour ago. I had html and history in the morning. Didn't feel like going to Latin or French, so after lunch I just skipped out.
Meh..I don't care anymore. I don't fucking care if I get in trouble..and I don't care if my mom is called by the principal.
Life is so pointless..its repetitive and stupid. .< Bah. I see not point in going on..if only I wasn't so chicken.>
Last night I used my knife again..meh..didn't really mean to. I was just laying on my bed staring at the ceiling in pitch black-ness..and glanced over to where my desk is. I thought about my knife sitting there..along with my extra blade, my indian ink, and my diaries. All of a sudden I just -wanted- to cut. It was weird.
Meh..inspected my arm to see where I could cut so it wouldn't be extremely visible. Reason being is I'm at my dad's this weekend...and he flips when he sees a line of pen on my hand, let alone a scar or cut on my wrist. -.-
Ended up cutting on my upper leg since there was no extra room on my arms and wrists. Meh. I did this kind of spiderweb thing..actually made it a design, not just slits. I felt..artsy?
Bah..
Wow. I'm a freak. x.x
Argh..tomorrow's school. I want to skip math..but I have it third class, not fourth..and I can't skip civics. Meh..
You know what..fuck it. I don't care....I'll figure something out. Amy said that Mr. Drew ((my french teacher)) doesn't even ask where I was anymore, he was just like 'oh..I knew she wouldn't be here.'
Meh..
David just signed on..which means he skipped classes too. At least I have someone to talk to now.
I'm seeing Justin tomorrow night..we need to catch up..haven't seen him for like three weeks. David and I are getting together Saturday..meh...then Sunday my dad wants to take us out 'as a family'. Back to school Monday.
Fuck. Weekends are -not- long enough..and this one hasn't even begun. x.x
Oh joy..took this quiz. Ha I s'pose it suits me..I am quite violent. Meh.
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Later..
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| Hrm ok..new blog thing I s'pose..o.O |
| 09.24.03 (6:46 pm) [edit] |
Damn thelog.org .< it's -still- down. Argh..got sick of using xanga and Jess showed me this one..so I took it.>
Meh..going to be a short entry since I already vented on my xanga account. More of an introduction..
I'm just some bitchy fifteen year old grade ten. I have my eyebrow pierced and don't go anywhere without my spikes. Meh..some may call me punk/goth..but I -hate- stereotypes with a passion, and am not gothic.
I'm technically athiest..but I don't even know what I believe in anymore. Meh..so much shit going on with all the doctor appointments etc..I don't have time for 'faith' and 'religion'. I'll figure that out after I figure -me- out.
Meh. -.-
Have a doctor's appointment next week sometime. Argh..she's then going to decide whether I need to be hospitalized or not. +paces+ I've only cut a bit since my last appointment..maybe I'll wear a sweater and she won't notice. XD Bah..whatever.
Alright..should shut up now. Didn't mean to start venting, wanted this to be a semi-happy introductory. Argh..there goes my idea of happy. x.x
Later..
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